Articles about Counselling & Psychotherapy

I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma,
a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to
interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.

Umberto Eco

GREEN…TO COUNSELLING?

I know, nowadays most people hear about or use counselling and psychotherapy. It comes in all sorts of names and forms, under all sorts of labels and brands, specific to certain problems or general, it can be short-term, long-term, solution-focussed, process-oriented, person-centred, cognitive behavioural…do I go on?

But what is the actual experience of counselling or psychotherapy? Why is it different to talking to a friend? How can it work – or not work – for somebody?

Well, each experience is individual and it depends on a combination of timing and pace, the client-therapist match, the quality of the working relationship, the nature of the problem etc.

So I thought I would offer my experience of being a client at those times I used counselling myself to help me move through some sticky stages of my life. Here it goes:

I met my therapist every week for an hour, more than my closest friends
I wasn’t rushed to get things done, that hour was my time and space, exclusively devoted to me
I was given consistent full attention and could let out all the mess, all my contradictions, all my emotions, all my thoughts, while the therapist helped to contain, express, stay safe and channel. This was more than friends, partner or family was able to tolerate, and rightly so.
I could take my time to become aware of things, sort, make sense, find lost threads, change perspective, experiment with change, have a good old cry or expression of other emotions just for the freedom of it, the relief and release of held up stuff and to know I could survive it.
I wasn’t told what to do or told off, I didn’t have to ‘pull myself together’ to protect somebody else’s feelings, I could talk about different people and my relationships with them without them being affected. But I would be challenged – in a supportive manner – to shift old patterns, to be honest with myself, to recognise my own contribution to maintaining the problem.
I was encouraged to believe in myself and my resources and to learn how to use these, without false reassurances and pleasing praise. And I was supported in doing it my way, in my own words, at my pace, as and when I was ready.

And so, just like tending a plant, what you can do and learn through counselling (or psychotherapy) is:

Take the dry bits off to let air and light in
Trim the excess to allow its energy to focus on the growing parts
Renew, refresh and recharge the soil periodically when the nourishment runs out
Re-pot, relocate, reshape when the old container, spot, branches no longer work or get in the way
Water regularly
Accept the limits and value the gifts and features of each particular plant
Treat the life it holds with love and respect
Honour each part of the plat as equally important as the others
Give it the right light
Provide good soil
Make enough room for the roots to ground and the top to branch out

This is what counselling and psychotherapy are about for me and the opportunity I always hope to offer as a therapist. You can’t always control the shape and direction the plant takes. It sometimes blooms and grows in unexpected ways…

…And beauty comes in all shapes and sizes

Filomena Ianni,
Full Circle Therapeutic Counselling

(c) 2007 Filomena Ianni

I have been drawn to the idea of 'flow' for a long time and have aimed to create for myself and facilitate for others, this deeply liberating experience of presence and fulfilment. But what is 'flow'?

1. 'Flow' - in the way I use and intend this idea - is a quality of experience, which can be compared to the fluidity of water, moving with, along, through, above, under, around the landscape encountered along the way. This fluidity bears a sense of 'breathing freely', adjusting to the terrain, vegetation and elements it comes across, without losing its essential nature, finding ways to work with and utilize the qualities of these elements, to keep flowing, to filter, leap, run, trickle, wind up, wind down, climb, fall, different speeds, different directions.

In this sense it is associated with resilience and creativity. This can also be understood as opposed to stagnation, to 'being stuck', 'clogged up', 'blocked', 'dry', 'frozen', 'rigid', 'resisting' etc.

2. I picked up and followed the theme of 'flow' through different experiences and under different guises and names, which later seemed to all merge in one big stream (and more keep coming!), but always in its association with the nature of vital energy, in ourselves and all manifestations of life:

I experienced it in contemporary dance, where I was drawn particularly to Martha Graham's embodiment of live emotions, without the enforced 'tidiness' of the more classical approaches, and still full of life's raw grace.
I found it in Yoga's concept of a life force (Kundalini) present in our own body and feeding all of our being, physically and emotionally but also connected to 'outer', 'universal' life force feeding life as a whole.
I was spell bound and by C.G.Jung's ideas on a collective stream, a matrix of archetypes, of symbols shared by all humanity, we all dip into in our dreams and lives, of influences connecting events which can be wide apart in space, with no apparent relation to each other, but carrying, presenting the same meaning or theme, tying in with each other in synchronicity.
From Jung also comes the idea that we flow when we are in line with the preferences and style of our natural type. Where this is blocked and thwarted by 'falsifying type' (see Katherine Benziger, 1995), i.e. going against our natural stream, illness and disturbance occur.
This and other experiences brought me to the I-Ching (The Book of Changes), to The Secret of the Golden Flower and my first flirtings with the Taoist views of a cyclical, self-healing, fluid and energetic nature of being when left to trust itself, fallen into oblivion for years of my life and returned recently to tie all of my favourite themes together.
Along the way - and very significantly - I also encountered Wilhelm Reich and his revolutionary (at the time and still now, socially, in many ways) view of a vital energy flow that is intrinsic to and inseparable from our body-mind system and whose functioning - where it flows freely and where it clogs up or is thwarted - is shaped up by our individual history and its interplay with the rules and beliefs of the wider social context around us. This makes us who we are, our style of being in the world, and is the source of both our distress and our creativity and fulfilment, depending on the degree to which this has or not been allowed to thrive and follow its natural course.

3. These paths, these different strands, have intertwined, in existing integrations or in new versions of these same themes, developing in further directions, independently, together, dipping into newer and older wisdoms. Yet, of all the 'voices' that speak of 'flow', one seems to have nestled in my memory early on, in my late teenage and university years, as it returns each time with the same power and intuitive simplicity, the voice of Heracleitos, or what was believed to be his, from the mist of ancient Greek philosophy: "All things flow, nothing stands"....

...Everything is a process (Mindell's Process Work, Embodied Relational Therapy, Tao, and more).

Strange how echoes of our life themes, what we seek and what is close to our soul, have often been there all along, from the start, seemingly disconnected, unnoticed.

In his book 'Flow' (1990), which I only recently discovered, Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi writes of how our experience of flow is maximized when we are involved in skills and activities that respond to our unique inclinations, preferences, aptitudes (much like what Jung said), sustained by a supportive environment and positive feedback. One of the 'natural' and most common enemy of this process, is worrying about what others think about us, criticism, which we often have made our own inner (and outer!) oppressor.

The aim of much personal development and therapeutic work - and in fact of so many healing practice - and in my personal journey, seems to be concerned with acquiring and expanding into this fluidity, with making that resilient and creative approach to life available, with finding our own unique brand of 'flowing'.

AN EXAMPLE:

Just think of the article I am writing now.

The wish to write a short piece about my idea of 'flow', appeared over a month ago.
Resistance to writing started immediately, in the form of persistent critical thoughts, i.e. 'you have nothing interesting enough to write about', 'it's all been said before, it's not new', 'it's too complicated', 'your style of writing/English/knowledge isn't good enough', and on and on.
This was hindering flow. Writing in these conditions felt physically painful. So, instead of engaging in battle, arguing with the criticism, trying to 'not think' this way, I 'recognised' familiar historical voices, recognised their role, started writing anyway, at times and in places when the resistance felt lower, when it was easier, on trains, when I felt particularly inspired, when words came through spontaneously.
I considered I was flowing along a particularly rocky creek, got through any gaps I found, took my time. 'Stuff' got in the way, 'things to do', 'interruptions', even accidents (my computer broke down), cleverly devised and executed procrastination techniques, distractions, the lot. I kept writing, two lines, a paragraph, few words, inserting an interesting picture. Small, manageable, minimum-scare steps, until I got here. Then I gave it a last push - because sometimes things just need a push! I have a sense of satisfaction.

I know in myself that next time it will be easier, and the next easier still and that this way I can feel the excitement, instead, right in the place where that fear is, if I breathe through it and stay with it, as this is the energy behind that fear, the energy at which those critical voices pointed their finger, and that was meant to be suppressed, for whatever original reason. Where the fear and the blockage lie, there is also the energy that can free them, bound up by original judgments, attempts to prevent or preserve something once vital, then become rigid, an archaeological sediment, turned into obstruction.

Prologue

Lately, the wind has made an appearance.

Where the Water had seemed to bring the call of 'flow', to show it reflected in its nature, something has changed. I have found myself using words resonating of 'air', 'breath', 'flying', 'gliding'. Humming bird came along, perched on a Native American flute I discovered in July. I started seeking to be in the breeze, in the wind, feeling nourished by this, being fascinated by birds, chasing a sense of lightness, remembering my 'high dreams', the ability to move to panoramic views and find the nectar, remembering vividly in my body my capability for this, the part of my nature I thought lost, or that I had to 'find', 'work at'.

Sometimes we discover we already ARE where and who we want to be, have what we seek.

...And sometimes 'flow' is just there, were we were not looking.

In Martha Graham's words: "We are, all of us, unique, each a unique pattern of creativity, and if it is not fulfilled it is lost for all times" (Martha Graham, 1894-1991)

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